I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
