I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
