This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
