its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
