5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
