I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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