At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
