Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
