i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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