OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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