Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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