My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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