if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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