its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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