I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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