So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
