Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
