since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
