I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
