Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
These tits shall not be calmed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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