awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
