i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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