I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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