dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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