I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found a bag of teeth...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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