I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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