2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
