Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
