do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
