We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
