i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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