forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
