he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
