Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
