I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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