He had one of those small greek statue penises
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
