Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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