Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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