I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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