We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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