You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
