I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
