hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
