Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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