omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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