So drunk its hurt
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
