i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
