Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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