there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
