ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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