Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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