Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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