She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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