And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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