I'm gonna have a badass scar
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
