is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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