Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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