and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
