i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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