The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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