Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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