Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
third nipple confirmed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
